Everytime I try to fight, I fall without my wings I feel so small..

"Everytime I see you in my dreams, I see your face. It's haunting me, I guess I need you baby...my weakness has caused you pain." Britney Spears

Wow! It has not taken us six months, but rather 3 to finally get everything done and together. I have not lost interest in this blog, but rather have been waiting for the end of this PCS move.

After a hectic week of inprocessing and house hunting (which will NEVER be done again if I have my way with our next move), we moved into our house January 14th. We spent a very long, and cold night together lighting cardboard in our fireplace to keep warm until the gas was turned on. We have a pretty view of the mountains from our 3 bed/2 bath duplex and better yet we are close to Biggs Airfield where John's unit is stationed.

John likes his new unit for the most part...but they have not been here for a year yet so it is still pretty chaotic at times. He went to the field for the first time since before Iraq in February which sucked, but was for the most part uneventful besides the fact that we both were sick. He leaves tomorrow for the field again, until next Thursday. In other Army news, he is getting ready to go before the board here in the next six months or so to determine if he gets promoted to E-5. He is already talking about dropping a Recruiters packet and a Drill Sergeant packet, since we only have to stay here for at least a year. I'm not sure whats in store for us past that year point. It really is up to the Army and him on this subject. His unit is slated to deploy in 2012, although the exact month is unknown.

In January, we adopted our first mutt. Darth Reven aka Dark Lord, Sith Lord, Revvers, Muttbag #1, or just Reven is now a 11 month old Chocolate Lab/Pit mix and he is about 70 lbs and still growing. He is as energetic as any lab, and the only pit in him is his over protectiveness of me and in his face. He loves snoring, shredding and chewing on things he's not supposed to, and the car.

We made a roadtrip the day after we adopted Reven to AZ to get John's stuff that he had left in his parents care while he was in Germany. I am pretty sure that now Deb needs to downsize with the amount of his stuff we took off her hands. Reven, Crystal, and Mo played nice for the most part...but we drove back the day after we got there which was tough on everyone.

About two weeks after John came back from the field, we received our stuff from Germany. His field stuff came about three weeks too late for him, but he managed without it. He now happily has Guitar Hero, XBox, and our huge TV/surround sound for the ultimate gamers experience.

About a month ago, we adopted our second mutt. Her name is Shadow aka Mutt #2 and girly girl. She is a 15 month mixed, and just as sweet as she can be. She loves to play fetch, snuggle, and wear Reven's ass out in the backyard by playing with him. She is pretty timid, whoever had her before beat the crap out of her. We are working on that, but she is so well behaved and sweet that its kinda hard not to love her.

Oh....and we have 2 rats. Between the 5 of them...mutts, rats, and husband included it gets pretty chaotic here in the Morales household and there are never ending amounts of doggie hair and dirt.

I survived my first dust storm, and there are tumble weeds as big as me out here. I definately am not in North Texas anymore.

I start volunteering at the Humane Society soon, and I start school June 1st at El Paso Community College. My days will get busier, and it will be hard to not bring home every single puppy at the shelter. I am looking forward to classes, although I have absolutely no idea what I want to major in.

We are going to be Uncle and Aunt come June 20th to what I believe will be a beautiful baby boy. My sister is pregnant and we are all looking forward to the arrival of grandson and nephew. Mommy and baby are both healthy and everything is going well with her pregnancy.

I have started to collect money for the Relay for Life in which I will participate in memory of my grandmothers and grandfather who had various forms of cancer. I am looking forward to the event as it will be taking place on my grandmothers on my moms side birthday.

This next weekend, both sets of parents are coming down to El Paso to finally meet each other. We both are excited to see our parents, and just get to spend some quality time with them. It will definately be a fun weekend for sure. I can't wait for it to get here so I can hug my parents again.

We are adjusting to El Paso pretty well. It definately is a different experience for us. I think I was in more of a culture shock coming back to the US then going to Germany. I am NOT looking forward to the hot Texas summers, which can be brutal in West Texas. I don't like heat...and I especially don't like super heat. The people freak out when it rains here for crying out loud. I for sure am not in Kansas anymore.

Theres nothing here for me on this barren road..

"A lonely road, crossed another cold state line. Miles away from those I love, purpose hard to find." -Avenged Sevenfold

Since December 20th, it was almost like a game to ask where in the world are the Morales's now. I am so sick and burned out on travel that it is ridiculous.

Myself and John stayed up all night leading up to our flight, and departed for Frankfurt International about 4:45 am. It was -2 F and it was snowing. When I stepped out to help John clean off our windshield before we got onto the Autobahn my wet hair...froze. After a rather uneventful trip and turning in our rent car we breezed through customs and boarded our first flight of the day. Which turned out to be delayed. Which made it our most peaceful flight and airport experience.

Oh yes. We had 2 layovers..one in Dublin, the other in Chicago with Chicago being the longest at 1.5 hours. Can we detect an issue here already? We ran through Dublin and customs, and barely made our second flight of the day. Which..turned out to be delayed as well. We almost didn't make our last flight of the day except for the kindness (yes, TSA can be kind) of a TSA screeners heart. She had seen our assault packs and made a call in that screening checkpoint (the line was literally an hour long) for all active duty military to come up to the front. It was just us, and another Morales (unrelated) that came forward and were sent on our happy way. After running for our flight, we sat back in relative satisfaction until Denver.

In Denver we reclaimed our luggage, met up with Deb and John Sr and began the long trek and drive to Mesa, AZ. In those few days myself and John switched countless timezones, traveled 40+ hours, and got varying levels of sleep.

Christmas with the Morales's was awesome. Thank you guys for your hospitality again, and it was so fun to just chill with his parents. We flew out December 28th for my hometown, and spent a few days there before flying back on the 31st. I enjoyed getting to spend time with my parents and family although there is so much to get done in moving of my stuff to El Paso.

It was another long drive to El Paso on the 1st. It took us about 6-7 hours (we caught the wrong highway at first) to drive through pure desert. There were even signs warning of possible dust storms up ahead!

Our first weekend here we got American cell phones (yipee!) and kind of explored around El Paso. The post...is huge. The city...is even more huge...and there is mountains surrounded by lots and lots of flatness so El Paso seems to sprawl out over the southwestern portion of Texas and into Mexico.

There is still so much that needs to be done. Housing, inprocessing, registering for school, doctors appointments for me, moving our stuff down here...that sometimes I wonder if we will be settled here soon...or if it will take half a year to get everything accomplished. My impatience to get things accomplished isn't even helping the situation very much either.

And your measuring your minutes by a clock thats blinking 8..

"This is incredible, starting insatiable, yes this is love for the first time. You'd like to think that you were invincible yeah, well weren't all once. Before we found love for the first time." Dashboard Confessional.

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!

Outside, the sleepy town of Baumholder is coated in a dusting of snow..on cars, over roof tops...this little piece of the world is blanketed by white, transforming it into a glittering picture inside my window frame. As I type this, snow is drifting lazily from the clouds and it feels oh so cold outside. Winter truly has finally arrived in Germany.

Inside, our house is a mess. After a frantic yesterday evening everything is unplugged, packed as best as we can and waiting for the duty day to end so that we can move it back to John's barracks room. Household goods comes tomorrow to pack it properly. Everything except for my trusty old laptop and his PS3 along with our router which will be shipped to their respective places by John and myself soon.

We received some excellent news on his car. It is fixed and running, and his parents are going to go get temp tags for us (thank you, thank you, thank you!). We are getting insurance tonight, and we will be ready to go come Sunday for the long drive to Mesa.

I think our current car is beginning to sense it's fate. The locking system on the doors broke yesterday due to ice we believe. Seeing as it won't be able to pass another POV inspection for us to sell it, we are just going to scrap it Thursday. We are going down hopefully today to reserve a rent car that we will be able to pick up Thursday and drop off Sunday at the airport. If we can do it..then that saves us the headache and expense of taxis and trains.

John is finishing up his clearing today (Yay!!). Household goods comes tomorrow which potentially could take all day (he has to be there when they come), Vehicle Registration Thursday (scrapping our car, turning in our license plates and discontinuing our insurance here), and Friday he finals out with the unit. Saturday at 10 am our landlady is coming to the apartment to make sure its clean so that we can turn in our keys, and we will be spending our last night in Germany in Hotel Statkrug (the last hotel we stayed in), and we fly out at around 10-11 am from Frankfurt International on Sunday.

Wow! Just reading all of that makes me want to jump around and cheer!

My birthday is Friday (Happy Birthday to me!). We have already kinda celebrated it seeing as how hectic this week will be for us. I am also finishing up my school stuff Friday as well (Woohoo!) and I will let you guys know where my grades fall. We are so excited to be leaving Germany and returning home in time for the holidays to spend with our family and friends.

This will be my last post from The Fatherland.

Aufweidersan, choos, and guten nacht Deutschland!

America, here we come!

And if you knew how happy you are making me..

"Who's gonna call on Sunday morning, who's gonna drive you home? I just want one more chance to put my arms in fragile hands." Anberlin.

Holla!

I am so sorry that I have been so lazy in updating this blog. Truth is, between school and other stuff it has been hard to find the time. I would have kicked the responsibility over to John...but I don't think blogging is on his interest list.

The weather has turned from crappy, to even crappier here in the Fatherland. It used to be cold and wet...now its bone cold and constantly raining. There as been few rare days of decent weather, but those are few and very far between. It seems as if the days string into never ending cloudy, windy, wet messes. It doesn't really effect me, seeing as I have little reason to venture out from our apartment here except on errands or to just get out of here. It is John instead that has to suffer it, and I can't help but feel bad every time he comes home from work cold and wet.

John and I celebrated our first Thanksgiving together this past week. We had turkey, ham, and all the trimmings. John wasted his time happily on the new COD game, and eventually fell asleep watching a newer western movie. We spoke with our families throughout the day, and I know that both were excited to be able to hear from us. John got lucky, because his platoon has had duty all weekend. Instead of having to sit through a 24 hour shift on his 4 day, he just has to do flag detail twice a day. It sucks cause we really can't go anywhere far..but it is definately better then the alternative.

Earlier this month, I received word from home that my Uncle Mark passed away. He had Hepitatis C, and we had known for awhile that he wouldn't be much longer on this earth. It has been a tough dealing with this and everything else on the other side of the ocean away from my family. I was not able to go back due to immigration stuff which sucked. I wish I could have been there for my mom.

I also received word from home that myself and John will become an Aunt and Uncle here in the next couple of months. My sister is pregnant and although we have no word of the gender we are both happy and excited for my older sister and this newest addition to the Littrell clan.

I have been working my butt off with school. My semester ends December 23rd but since we will be in transient I am attempting to finish all of my school work a week early so that I won't have to worry about it. I can not guarantee our internet connection after December 20th, so I would rather not take the gamble. I am doing very well..I am carrying a 90 average in all of my classes.

John bought plane tickets for us. He has all the ticket information which I will forward to his family once I can get a hold of it. Alex, his cousin is beginning to work on his Jeep to get it in running order, and we have a shaky itinerary for the 12 days of leave that he will be able to take. He begins to clear this duty station Friday, December 3rd and he is extremely excited about it. Bertha, our Nissan Sunny will be sold to one of the guys in his platoon and we will move out of our apartment December 19th.

It goes without saying that we both are looking forward being able to come back to the United States.

I am planning on keeping this blog up and running once we get back to the United States. Even though the Army wife stuff is beginning to get figured out...I think it is a great way to be able to stay in contact with our families, especially the ones that we do not speak to on a daily basis. It will also serve as a useful means to keep everyone updated if and when John gets deployed again, although I am hoping that that situation does not arise again.

Thank you again for your patience, I promise to keep you guys updated more often

We'll just laugh along because we know that none of them have felt this way..

"The only one who's ever known who I am, who i'm not, and who I want to be." The Fray

Ola!

So after a not fun bout with sickness, I am semi fully recovered thanks to John shoving vitamins and other pills down my throat for the past few weeks. The weather has been crazy here, so that is NOT helping. Yesterday it was a beautiful 60 degree day, and barely a cloud in the sky. Today, it is grey, looks like rain, and is super cold. I think its all of 53 degrees right now. Yay for crazy weather patterns and their effects. Not.

Everything is dying. The brilliant colors that once surrounded us when we went into the countryside are no longer there. The trees are either green..or naked. It is only a matter of time before everything is coated in shades of grey, white, and muted greens. The once vibrant countryside is now pretty dull.

John and me played it low key this weekend. Just mainly hanging out around the house and enjoying each others company. I think we both needed a second to just catch our breath before this next week started.

I start classes Wednesday afternoon (can't log in until 5 pm) and even though its a short week I will still have to turn in 6 assignments by Saturday night. So, the fun/pain shall begin. Needless to say, I am going to rush to get done with class stuff so by the end of the afternoon when John gets home I can enjoy time spent with him, and not with my head in a book.

Apparently John has spent his entire military career on a perminate profile. This means that he was never supposed to be a scout, and he was never supposed to deploy to Iraq. The Army finally caught it after 3 years last week when his orders for El Paso started to come in. He has received a waiver however, and will be put on blood pressure medication. If he hadn't received that waiver, then John would have had to go before a medical board and probably would have been given a medical discharge.

Still unsure about the entire Christmas thing. I know John and me are kicking around some ideas for Thanksgiving plans since we will be unable to come back to the United States for it. It is so nice that we are finally going to be able to spend the holidays together. Hopefully next year, we will be able to spend Thanksgiving with our families.

Happy Halloween all, and try to stay out of trouble with those tricks.

You never really change, you just become more of yourself..

"A thousand miles seems pretty far, but they've got plans and trains and cars. I'd walk to you if I had no other way. Our friends would all make fun of us, but we'd just laugh along because we know that none of them have felt this way." Plain White T's.

Aloha! I *wish* we were somewhere warmer. Lol!

So, John had the pleaseant experience of waking up this morning to find that we had finally received ice on our car and well..everything. It has been in the air for awhile, but it finally came today. I am looking forward to the day when snow starts hitting the ground. Being from Texas I never really got to enjoy snow for longer then a day, so I am looking forward to being able to form snowballs without bits of dead grass and leaves in them.

Which these snowballs will be enthusiastically hurled at my husband as he gets out of the car from work. I dare him to get me back.

Not much has been happening with us lately. Generally exploring castle ruins and watching episodes of Smallville together. Work has been exhausting for John. His unit is gearing up to redeploy to Afghanistan (which thankfully John will NOT be apart of) so last week was spent at the rifle range requalifying and shooting. They had their vehicles reissued to them, so days spent at the motorpool is becoming regular as well. It makes for long, hard, and cold days for John. He is often going to PT formation at 5:30 and not getting home until 5:30-6:00 pm at night.

Wednesday John attended his first out briefing to begin to start to out process from this unit. He is thrilled, especially since we got the news that we would be leaving Germany the 20th of December. So, we will make it home in plenty of time for Christmas. Which I am still trying to work out the plans with both families so no concrete plans just yet. But by landing the afternoon of the 20th it gives us some extra time.

Today we received some amazing news about my stay here in Germany. We were afraid that I was on a purely tourist visa, however it turns out that isn't the case. I am here under the US-German military partnership. In June, when we went to Ft. Hood to get me 'enrolled' in the Army I was not supposed to get my military ID, or military passport until they had word that I was command sponsored. However, I was still given them. So I have all the benefits of being command sponsored, including being able to stay as long as John is stationed here. We are incrediably relieved at this turn of events.

As relieved as I am, I have come down with some weird cold or flu bug. I have been pretty sick this past week, which sucks. However, I have an excellent nurse in the form of John. He has taken excellent care of me. I am hoping that I will start to get better so me and John can go out exploring this weekend. John has told me that he really enjoys our weekend excursions together, and so do I. I have planned a huge day for us tomorrow, and now I am hoping that I am well enough to enjoy it. I will probably just bundle up really well and deal with the cold.

We are looking forward to being back, especially 3 days earlier then what we thought. We love and miss everyone.

It's not enough to say that I think about you right now..

"Hands down this is best day I can ever remember, always remember; the sound of the stereo, the dim of the soft lights. The scent of my hair that you twirled in your fingers, and the time on the clock when we realized it was so late and this walk that we shared together. The streets were wet, and the gate was locked so I jumped it and let you in; and you stood at your door with your hands on my waist, and you kissed me like you meant it, and I knew that you meant it." Dashboard Confessional

In my former blog (I deleted it ages ago..I am no newcomer to the blogosphere) I usually began my post with lyrics from a song that fit my mood, and would open to the topics in which I would write about. I have decided to begin to do this once more, and as much of a music junkie that I am...feel comforted in the knowledge that I will never repeat lyrics, nor will I ever run out of them.

This past weekend was quite amazing..and I am still running off the high of it. Saturday, John and myself chilled out around the apartment catching up on our various video games together and just generally lounging and enjoying each others company. Sunday we went to Landstul to Scholssruine Nanstein (Nanstein castle ruins) and had a wonderful time exploring the supposedly haunted ruins of the once great castle. The weather decided to take a turn for the worst (it is not the first time that the weather has not cooperated, we were hailed on coming down from Devils Head), but even the rain did not dampen our exploits. The castle was first mentioned in 1116, but is thought to be much older. It offered gorgeous views of Landstul, Sickington, and the surrounding countryside. We capped off the trip with a visit to Ramstein and Chinese food for dinner. We had a wonderful time and it was an amazing way to spend the day.

Yesterday was the grand opening of the Kaiserslautern Military Community Center in Ramstein. There are a bunch of smaller posts/bases in this region and for the most part..our exchanges are pretty limited in their selection. The KMCC is the second largest shopping center in Europe for the US forces stationed here, and it is a huge mall. I convinced John to take me to go walk around the mall when he got off work. It was a madhouse! I have never really seen that many people gathered in the same place. It took us about 40 minutes to find a parking spot. It felt nice walking around together and just looking at random stuff.

It has become harder for me to stay all day in this apartment. I am used to being free to come and go as I please and go outside and wander around. I like to explore the world around me (which sometimes causes John to call me a pain in the ass when I start bugging him about where we will go for our ritual weekend sightseeing). It's not like John locks me in the apartment by any means...it's just that it isn't exactly safe for an American to be wandering around. So to cure my restlessness John and myself go for short walks in the evening to that little lake in the center of town. Sometimes I even take a old loaf of bread with us to feed to the ducks during our visit. Some brave ducks even come to within feet of me and I can toss pieces of bread straight into their mouths.

The trees are beginning to turn more and more brilliant colors. On the main road coming from post it is lined with small chicken wire pillars that hold up a type of ivy. This ivy has turned slowly from green to a bright, beautiful red so small little red pillars line the streets. The mornings are colder now, and the afternoons turning less warm. The air is so clean here and the smells of fall pierce the air and make me want to throw my arms out and welcome it.

Except I remember the fact that I only have 2 sweaters and no coat with winter weather fast approaching. Oops.

John is starting to schedule his various briefs for him to start clearing. He is actually having to reschedule one he was supposed to go to tomorrow because the Army is deeming it necessary for him a group of others to go scuba diving in the pool in the Wetzel part of the post. It is hard to believe that I have been here almost 3 months now, and that we have been married for almost 4. It seems longer somehow.

I have given up trying to upload all the pictures I take onto Facebook and Blogger. I am just going to find a photo sharing website and just throw them all onto there for our families and friends and share the link here and on facebook.

Oh! Lastly, John baked his second cake a couple of days ago. It turned out delicious, and with no sinking in the middle. He was quite proud of himself. Haha.

We miss and love everyone, and hope that everything is doing alright on the other side of the ocean.